Bleistift, Ölstift, Acryl, Pastell, Öl, auf roher Leinwand, je 200 x 180 cm, 2024

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„I think being fully in the present moment is the pathway into the states where the self dissolves. I realize more and more that every step of the preparation is a big part of it. For example, for me, the feel of the space is important. I pay attention to small details, like what's on the door or what I place in front of the windows. It's like a little ritual, even for a second, to notice the physical separation between the space I am in and the outside. That sense of space helps me quiet the noise and feel safe. Then I clean the floor, spread the canvas, touch it, and notice its softness, the woven threads, the materiality. I sharpen my pencil with my favorite knife, hearing the scraping and watching the wood chip fall in perfect curves. I acknowledge the wood smell and that it's breathing. 

 

These are simple everyday actions, but there is so much to notice when I make space for noticing. Then everything starts to disappear. These details shift the space, like looking into a microscope revealing another small universe.

In my large-scale works like these, I move across the canvas—sitting, hopping, shifting from one place to another. At first, it feels like entering a dream while staying awake. Small visions appear: leaves fluttering in slow motion, or a stone in a river, finally rolling over. Things like this, and I focus on them. Whatever the visual scent is, as it keeps going, I follow.

And finally, when I put my pencil down, I still focus on what's in front of me: the line, the noise it makes, the speed of color, or bent knuckles - and then I disappear. My body becomes a tool with a force guiding me. And then again, in a moment, I realize I'm in the studio, in Berlin, on Earth, and this is me on a sheet we call canvas.

I usually have no expectations, but letting go of control is always a challenge. The mind wants to make sense, to understand, to use the knowledge we know. That is also part of being human, and so I accept this. In these states of in and out, or out and in, it becomes a delicate conversation between the conscious and the unconscious.“